duqueofhazzard

For sale:
cock and balls, never tortured

jpegging:
Everyone wants a big tittied goth gf but what about a

ss18:
womanbecomescow:
God u know when ur sleepy drunk or high and ur trying to plug the charger into your phone but you keep missing the phones pussy like stay PUT
the phone’s WHAT?
ITS

(Source: fuckglossier)

chathurlant:

plankhandles:
Cooking show I desperately want: Professional chefs compete to wow and astound totally amateur food critics who don’t know dick about shit. Get eliminated on totally arbitrary grounds such as “I don’t like sour cream.”
“I present to you the finest escargot.”
“Ew I’m not eating snails. Sorry you’re chopped.”

hipsterdinosaurs:

gar-dev-oir:
Chikorita is the most metal pokemon

tockthewatchdog:

mattheuphonium:
kim-jong-chill:
i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake
fabulous
i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.

hutchj:

msbriket:
thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
Sigmund Freud: All men secretly REALLY REALLY want to have sex with their mothers
It’s the Oedipus Complex
Oedipus: (Who literally gouged his own eyes out and killed himself when he found out he accidentally had sex with his mother) I’m sorry it’s the WHAT complex
Oedipus: has a very traumatic experience
Freud being a Man™: you must have wanted it
It got better

brutol:

untexting:
Does anyone else get those random rushes of motivation like, “I’m gonna be so fucking successful dammit, watch me”
best 20 minutes of the year

doubletrouble7997:

nickelodeonhistory:
a deleted scene from the 2001 spongebob episode “just one bite.” it was cut from future airings due to complaints that it was too violent.
THIS ACTUALY HAPPENED! I THOUGHT I FUCKING MADE THIS SHIT UP IN A DREAM OR SOME FUCKING SHIT. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE NOW!!!

standupbard:

i don’t “follow” my favorite bands. i just get pleasantly surprised when i find out that they released an album 2 months ago.

whyyoustabbedme:

His smile at the end got me

(Source: twitter.com)

stalling:

Me after the orgy my bf and I hosted:

jeauxanne:

me receiving an email from a company i applied to
me opening it and seeing yet another fucking automated rejection message

yells-at-cats:

yells-at-cats:
how to fast travel: down nyquil and sleep on the public bus
tried to do this and saw a man sitting in the back dead ass eating an entire whole cucumber and remembered i cant fast travel with enemies nearby

(Source: eliteknightcats)